how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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