So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
