M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
