if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
