I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
