I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
