I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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