so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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