I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
