The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
