You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
