Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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