Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
