i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Randomize
