how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
