...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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