So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
