Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
