All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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