Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
