I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
