He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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