Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
