I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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