So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
