Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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