exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
