I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
