i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
