I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
