you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
We need to get me chipped asap
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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