I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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