And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
