so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
