Three words: puerto rican gang bang
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
