I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
