it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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