ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Alive.
So much puke
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
