So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
This is the high leading the old right now
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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