Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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