Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
