been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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