I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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