Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
You work out of a Hotel?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
