One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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