Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
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