They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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