pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
