My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
