I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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