I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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