I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
