I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize