I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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