I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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