I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
