dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
