they need to just BURY HIM!
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Your cock deserves a montage
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
