I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
