I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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