How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
