one two three fourrrrnication!
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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