I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
