haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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