bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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