and my herpes radar will keep us safe
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
