I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
