Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
