butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
two words: eviction party
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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