my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize